Be still

After six months of no fun, no rest, no break, I finally was able to get away from work, from my single bedroom apartment, from the constant questions and demands. The façade of some people’s lives seem easy, perfect. But the truth is, just because something appears a certain way doesn’t mean it can be viewed the same.

This past weekend, with my responsibilities placed aside, the personality I keep dormant pushed its way out. It made people laugh, it pissed people off and it danced all night around other Christian souls. This past weekend, my spirit wept. It wept because it loves the rebellious part of me that takes me on a high and would eventually lead me back to meekness. It wept because the process by which it had to escape the fear of criticism was painful. It wept because from now on, it will fear no more. It wept because it is finally free from the control of others. This past weekend, I learned that my friends and I have been living in two different planets. I occasionally visit theirs, but they never seem to visit mine. And I leave feeling like an outsider.

Yet, this past weekend, among strangers of the same faith, I felt alive and free to be me. This weekend made me all too ready to embrace the workload, the busyness, the pretense. This past weekend, surfing on the snow, it allowed my body to cut through the air so swiftly it grew ponderous, so ponderous that it forced my spirit out of my flesh…. and I loved every moment of it.