Trapped

Trapped between the 4th floor and nowhere. Aloud scream came out of my mouth when my body jolted as the elevator shook, screeched and stopped abruptly. I grabbed the handle bar as my heart raced, my mind wondering if this was it. If the elevator drops, did I do all God placed me on earth to do? Of course, thinking back, falling four floors should not kill me, but what if...?

Sitting in the elevator for an hour gave me time to think about all the mistakes I have made and regretted them. But then, the veracity is that the mistake does not matter to God. All the dumb idiotic choices I have made in my life should not matter to the people who truly care about me. It is what I do, how I act, how I treat others afterwards that matters.

If after the mistake, we decide to keep it to ourselves, try to hide it, it is a terrible thing. Paul Tournier, a Swiss physician and author, once said “Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets”. Makes me wonder if this is why there are so many people with depression.

I hope to leave this life with more than ‘oh, she was a nice person’. Rather, I want to leave this world known as a person with boldness who tried and failed and tried and failed ten thousand times; a person who did not give up on life, herself or on others; a person who loved so deeply that it would take years to pull herself out of the hole.

We are all trapped in this world until God comes to get us. What legacy do you want to leave?