Monday, January 26, 2009

Waste it on Jesus

A torrent of questions got unleashed when I realized how inexorably mesmerized I was with the statement the co-star in a movie said to the heroine, “I don’t want you to change. I like you the way you are.” I have learned that men marry women hoping that they won’t change, while the women marry the men hoping that they do change. I believe it is important to change for the better, to grow into our best self.

We all have wrestled with our checklist of what we want in a perfect mate, but what kind of list are we? I mean, if someone were to put us on a checklist, what characteristics do we have that would merit us to be on the checklist in the first place?

This got me thinking. What does it mean to be my best for my future husband? What skills, talents, and qualities would I like to bring to the table? What is the best version of me? What do I need to do to be that person?

I realize that I am not good when it comes to dating, but I do know that if the relationship does not push me forward, if it does not push me to be better -to be my best- then it is not worth a relationship at all.

So… I guess… I rather be single than to be in a stale relationship wasting my time spiritually dying instead of wasting my time on Jesus.

Friday, January 9, 2009

The One Jealousy That Isn’t a Sin.

When I think about how Shawn Bolz gets all these radical experiences with God, I get jealous. Or how a fourteen-year-old gets imagines downloaded to her by God, I get jealous. Or how Jason Westerfield can see the spiritual realm like Neo can see the Matrix, I get jealous.

What makes these people so special that they receive the gifts God want for them? Why can I not have that? Why can I not download God messages as easily as logging on to my computer? It makes me jealous that I only sense God 75% of the time. I want 100% of God!

After researching about these people, I found that Shawn spends a lot of time talking to God and having faith that God will show up. The little girl started talking to God at the age of five and has this close relationship with God. Jason! Jason has only been a Christian for 9 years and he is faced down on the floor praying to God every night for hours!

It is all about spending time with God, soaking in His presence, talking to Him and telling Him about your fears and weaknesses; telling Him about your dreams and hopes. God is faithful to give your heart’s desires. He is ready to give us everything He wants for us, we just need to spend time with Him and build a relationship where we can hear and recognize His voice.

Yes, I am jealous of Shawn and Jason’s relationship with God. This jealousy makes me hungry for more of Him. And wanting more of God is never a sin.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Trapped between the 4th floor and nowhere. Aloud scream came out of my mouth when my body jolted as the elevator shook, screeched and stopped abruptly. I grabbed the handle bar as my heart raced, my mind wondering if this was it. If the elevator drops, did I do all God placed me on earth to do? Of course, thinking back, falling four floors should not kill me, but what if...?

Sitting in the elevator for an hour gave me time to think about all the mistakes I have made and regretted them. But then, the veracity is that the mistake does not matter to God. All the dumb idiotic choices I have made in my life should not matter to the people who truly care about me. It is what I do, how I act, how I treat others afterwards that matters.

If after the mistake, we decide to keep it to ourselves, try to hide it, it is a terrible thing. Paul Tournier, a Swiss physician and author, once said “Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets”. Makes me wonder if this is why there are so many people with depression.

I hope to leave this life with more than ‘oh, she was a nice person’. Rather, I want to leave this world known as a person with boldness who tried and failed and tried and failed ten thousand times; a person who did not give up on life, herself or on others; a person who loved so deeply that it would take years to pull herself out of the hole.

We are all trapped in this world until God comes to get us. What legacy do you want to leave?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

In To Me You See

God gave me such an amazing experience today. This morning, I woke up feeling fabulous. Not out of my own doing, but out of God’s goodness and grace. Exactly one week ago, December 27, 2008, I had prayer ministry at Aslan’s Place for four hours; cutting off generational curses, ungodly soul ties, and breaking spiritual warfare. My prayer minister told me that I will be tired a lot and that I won’t be myself for a while only because the enemy will attack even harder. Today was exactly seven days since my visit to Hesperia.

The last six days have been hard on me emotionally, spiritually and physically. God closed doors and dreams that only my flesh would want. These past six days were dark and I admit I was definitely not myself – my closest friend even told me! This morning, I felt like a lightning bolt ready for the ride in the sky, causing the atmosphere to shake. I praised God for the renewal energy and outlook in life.

Tonight, at Promised Land, Valerie was worshipping in the front. As I tapped her on the shoulder, she turned to receive her hug. Valerie started giggling and said, “Go over there! It’s too thick for me.”

“Okay.” I said, while thinking, ‘oh, I must be disturbing her worship.’

Jake spoke about how we should seek Intimacy with the Lord. Once we have intimacy with the Lord, He will be able to download all the promises from I Corinthians 2:9-16. Note to self: New Year Resolution is to have true intimacy (in to me you see) with the Lord.

As I walked out at the end of the revival, I gave Valerie a hug. When she held me, she said, “What happened to you?”

“What do you mean?” I asked thinking that she was talking about the Holidays or something.

“When you walked in and gave me a hug, the atmosphere shifted. It was so thick of God’s presence, I could hardly contain it; so I started laughing.”

So I told her about my visit to Aslan’s Place. We both said, “Praise God. He is so good. Thank you, Jesus!”


– Oh, I think You’re beautiful. Oh, I think You’re marvelous. Oh, I think You’re wonderful in all Your ways. –

When we pursue Him, He is faithful to bless us.

I am excited that I already have my first "God" experience for this year. Life is good and this year is going to be ooooh sooooo very awesome!