Last Sunday morning, the Cathedral of Faith in San Jose, had a special guest speaker, Jim Caviezel. Jim is the actor who played Jesus in The Passion. He brought up the profound message that we all need to pray from our heart and not from our head or soul. “Be honest with God. Tell Him that you are hurting, that you are struggling, that you can’t do it on your own.”
These past two weeks I have been struggling and Satan is the great deceiver. He has been tempting me to keep my schedule busy. Underneath every temptation is a lie. The hard part is discerning the lies when pain and confusion have already invaded your soul. “Underneath every temptation is a lie. Underneath every temptation is a lie.” I tell myself this trying to have that truth soak into my blood, the memory of my cells.
My struggle is trying to stay still and know that He is God, trusting that He wants only the best for me. It is so hard for me to be like Mary. I have always been more like Martha. I can never sit still. I have to be on the go, go, go; do, do, do. I have small group, night class, workout at the gym three times a week, go out on three dates in one week, hang out all day at the de Young, usher at church; plus read the Bible every night. My week flies by as if my days perpetually go black.
At first, for Lent I was thinking of giving up eating out for 40 days, but God brought back to my attention that I was being Martha again, trying to serve and sacrifice my time and energy. Yes, it is good to be Martha, but Mary chose the better part. She chose to sit at Jesus’ feet and soaked in His presence. God said to me, “Come back to Me. Be at my feet. Bathe in My Grace and My Glory.”
After a few more conversations with God, for Lent, I am to soak in worship music, pray and read the Word for two hours each night. I have done this three nights in a row already. And you know what I have discovered? It is still not enough time with Him! When you love someone, you want to be with him always. I want to have God with me 24/7. He is the best EVER!