Another restless night. My mind never stops thinking. Watched a movie on Netflix, hoping that it will soothe and cradle my mind. Sleep. I want sleep, but my thoughts rage on. Pictures of the past make me remember, force me to see what I no longer care about.
I remember walking into the bathroom to see my mother drunk, out cold on the floor.
I remember hating her for not loving me.
I remember being the black sheep, the escape goat.
I remember wishing my mother would reciprocate my desperation for her affection.
I remember my sisters playing sick, not wanting to face the world.
I remember finding out my pseudo father was a master Kung Fu fighter.
I remember life was easy once.
I remember the chaos of running from my home country.
I remember the trip on the boat to Freedom.
I remember the refugee camp in Guam.
I remember the chaos of running from home after another beating from my mother.
I remember sitting on the bus crying because my mother hates me,
because she will never see me as a daughter, because she will always see me as monetary value, because the melody to Miss Saigon was so beautiful.
Then I remember that my future is bigger than my past.
And I am thankful once again that God loves me, that I am His daughter, and that I am valued.