You know the saying “the eyes are the windows to your soul”? A friend made a comment last night about me that was surprising. He looked to our mutual friend on his right and said, “Can’t you see the hunger for more of God in her eyes?”
That question, that thought, that revelation has never crossed my mind – to search for a person’s hunger in his/her eyes?! I have searched for signs of hunger through the lives people lived, the things that came out of their mouth and the way people viewed others, but I have never tried to look for the hunger in their eyes.
All I know is that my heart thirst after God, longing to gather the crumbs of His teaching and touch the shadow of His presence. Any little amount He can spare makes a concert of Angelic senses through my veins. But God is good. Very few people understand how good He is. We look for the scraps under the table when He had already prepared a banquet for us. Yes, I am hungry for more of God. I just wish I could learn how to reach up, stand tall and sit at His table to feast in His presence. I know it is there ready for me, ready for you.
On rainy days, jealousy of people who were born into a Christian family plagues me. They knew Jesus so much longer than I have. They have access to His love and goodness all their lives while I had to struggle and battle with my demons like a drowning person without hope of a savior.
Sure, the hunger for more of Christ is in my eyes. Christ is all I want because once upon a time, I wanted to understand what love was. Love is there if you truly want it. Love is Jesus. During the darkest days, you can find Love wrapped in difficult situations and hidden away between each battle, each bad relationship and each thought of jealousy. I realized that if I had not stopped for a second, I might have missed God all together. God is good. He made me stop to discover Him and His love. Because He pulled me from the abyss of darkness, smacks me in my chest with His redemption, I hunger for more of His goodness and presence.
Yes, my friend was right. It surprised me that he saw in me what I did not see in myself.