Pattaya - May 16, 2010
I keep thinking "I am going to Thailand, God`s going to do something big in my life. There will be some changes. I need more of Jesus," but my thoughts have nowhere to settle and stick.
Maybe I am forcing too much on myself. My expectation might be too high. The hunger for more of God, more of an extraordinary life has its own rules, I cannot control it, I just have to go with it or I will never be fully satisfied. I am afraid of what God has for me here in Pattaya, Thailand. I am afraid if He does not.
The streets are crowded with tourists, mostly older men with Buddha bellies with young Thai girls at their sides. Young as in 18, if not 15 years old. It is an intense spiritual environment here. The thickness of darkness, lust and sin slap you at every turn. My heart hardens, I do not want to see the ugliness in the men. I do not want to see the desperation in the beautiful faces of the Thai girls.
My roommate, Janette, is from Australia. She is soft spoken and accompanies me to see the beach and the shopping malls. On our walk, we see a T-shirt stating, "Good boys go to heaven and bad boys go to Pattaya."
Our orientation for Operation Extreme Love- Thailand does not start until 5pm. The weather is extremely humid. It is 95 degrees and we sweat while we window-shop for a foot massage. What we find, a fish spa. A tank filled with water up to our knees. A tank filled with Nibble fish (Garra Rufa fish) from Turkey.
You put your feet/legs into the tank for the fish to suck the dead skin from the outer layer of the body. I have always been afraid of fish. Ask my younger sisters. They will tell you how I refused to swim out to the fish unless they held my hands during our snorkeling trips in Maui. Today, I will overcome my fear of fish. Holding my breath, my thoughts and feet up, I dip my legs in - screaming!
"I am not scared," I tell myself. "Well, not so scared." The sensation of tiny mouths scraping my skin brings micro-electrical shocks to my nerves. It is the real thing since my last day in Palo Alto. I think my body and mind have been numbed during the 20-hour-travel. Why? I do not know.