I have this fear of Rejection. When it comes to relationships, I am afraid of being hurt, so instead of kicking my fear to the curb, I kick the guy, the friend, the colleague to the curb and not face the obstacle head-on.
What does that mean to me? It means that I am afraid to share what I really think. What I really want. I’m afraid the person won’t like me for who I am if he/she knew how I really think. I have random thoughts from my childhood that are dark and soul-sucking. If people knew my childhood, they would be astonished that I didn’t grow up to become a drug addict or a prostitute. I was the lucky few, because I discovered Jesus.
Today, during my kickboxing class, I imagined myself kicking fear in the face. Punch. Punch. Punch. Left hook, right hook. Kick. Kick. It felt so good. I began to laugh hysterically.
How did I get to this point? This Sunday, at church, we learned about Flagging. Caleb Brundidge taught us on worship and flagging for the Lord. My heart, mine and body were filled with God’s love that I had no worries, no fear of being rejected by anyone. 1 John 4:18, There is no fear in love. But perfect love drive out fear. God’s perfect love drove out my fear of rejection.
When I learned how to flag, I sweated, I felt free, I felt I was giving myself up to God as a sacrifice. Once I gave over to God, there was nothing left to fear, because my life is no longer my own. So when I went into the kickboxing studio, I had the courage to visualize my fear of rejection and punched it until I had nothing left. I know, it sounds like of violent, but FEAR is not from God. It’s from the enemy and our job is to kick the enemy down before he takes us down.
This collage has the fire of hell flowing through darkness. If we keep ourselves in fear, we will stay in the dark. But because of Jesus, I turned into a butterfly, a symbol for hope. There is hope in my life as long as I have God.